There are so many grandparents these days who are morbidly worried about their children and especially their grandchildren. A scourge has struck the heart of the family and bleeds from every connecting sinew, poisoning intimacy. He takes prisoners for many reasons and ruins countless lives. In some cases, he does not take prisoners because death is involved.

Drugs and addictions steal the heart of the relative. His heart is no longer in what is best for everyone. His loyalties are divided; his heart is for substance now. Drugs and addictions kill the hope that once throbbed and thrived within them. Those dreams seem lost and, for a time at least, irretrievable. And drugs and addictions destroy any semblance of peace and security in the family unit. There is never a time when everyone can relax, and there may be some who never feel comfortable.

Despite the talk of the drug user, who has become an evangelist for his substance, there is nothing good about his substances of choice; it only deals damage. They have come to protect a component of their lives that they do not want, and in many cases can not, live without Addiction causes the addict to manipulate people; they must to get what they need. We can also know something about this. We can share part of your story as our story. Many of us do it, and this is how we can bear witness to the truth, that drugs and addictions are a scourge on society. We pay the price. And also our loved ones. Addiction is no respecter of persons. You can catch anyone.

So what can be done?

The prevailing wisdom is tough love. We do not enable them. We do not rescue them. We pray for the rock bottom experience that will bring you to your senses. We don’t make excuses for them. We do not give them money or the means to continue their harmful habits. Difficult as these things are, we must pray that they do not find enablement. Unfortunately, there are always some who insist on ‘helping’ them.

What if dependents are involved? This is the saddest reality, because we become eyewitnesses to the abuse of abandonment, among other abuses that take place. The World Health Organization (WHO) classifies child abuse into four categories: physical, sexual, emotional or psychological, and neglect. If we see abuse, what should we do? We should do the right thing, of course. Be prepared to report it. Do everything you can to see that abused people get the help they need. But be careful, things often get worse before they get better. You will need every ounce of strength and every minute of support. The situation may become more painful than you could have previously imagined.

One thing we can do is pray. Another thing we can do is be a positive influence in the lives of children, but we must also be prepared for an eventuality in which access to them is restricted if the family member who is addicted to drugs feels threatened. Things can get nasty fast.

It can be difficult, even impossible, not to enable and maintain an employment relationship.

One thing to always remember is that we need to exercise the wisdom of self-control. You may be the only sensible adult influence in the child’s life. That’s a precious role you have. You have a God-anointed role in their lives. Do what you reasonably can to stay out of their lives. And see what you can engage them in to bring hope, joy and peace into their lives.

But we must resist the temptation to retain a role in drug-affected lives. through empowering the addict.

What we do well as grandparents and parents (and sometimes as children of addicts) is to have faith that change can happen, but change only happens when the person who needs to change is honest with themselves and with others and stays honest.