It’s common to be afraid of getting divorced when there’s so much information out there that, well, it’s just scary. It’s like reaching the edge of a cliff and being afraid to jump off. Fortunately, most if not all of this “information” is simply not true. You could call it pure myth.

Some of the most common myths I have heard include:

I’ll have to get a second job just to pay alimony.

A judge will force me to go back to work.

I will never see my children.

I am being “selfish” by not thinking about what divorce will do to my children.

I will lose all rights to my home if I move.

If I hire a lawyer, my spouse will think I want to “fight” and it will cost me money I don’t have.

What you may not know is that there are a number of things you can do to gain a greater sense of control over how your problems are resolved.

First, hire a good attorney who focuses on divorce and family law. In my opinion, hiring the right attorney is one of the most important decisions you can make when going through the divorce process. It is an investment that will pay off in droves.

For example, a skilled attorney can develop a relationship with your spouse’s attorney and work with him or her to gather the information you need to negotiate a satisfactory financial and parenting arrangement, which means you could prevent the court from making decisions what matters most to you. In addition to having greater predictability and control, you can save yourself the time and expense, both financial and emotional, of being dragged into a lengthy and acrimonious litigation.

Second, invest the time to consult with a certified accountant, a certified financial planner, and perhaps a family counselor for any custody or parenting time issues. These professionals can give you a broader range of options to work with in terms of establishing a mutually agreeable parenting schedule; how much alimony you can afford and how to best take advantage of tax benefits; or how you can maximize short-term cash flow or save for retirement. The benefits are immeasurable. Then have your attorney work with these other professionals to strategize the best options for you in resolving your issues with your spouse. The more options you see available to you, the more confident and less scared you will be.

Where do these myths come from anyway? Many tell me they hear them from so-called well-intentioned family members, friends, colleagues, friends of friends, neighbors, etc. Ironically, you will discover that the people spreading these myths have never been divorced!

In short, it’s best to avoid believing the toxic myths that are out there. In fact, don’t even listen. Instead, associate with friends and family who are supportive of your transition through the divorce process. These people can help you recognize that your situation is unique and that the decisions you make to resolve your divorce issues are yours alone.