I recently had a conversation with several friends about the spiritual pros and cons of motherhood (or fatherhood for that matter, even though they were all female). Specifically, we discuss how being a mother stimulates and challenges our religious beliefs and spiritual practices. This was quite a diverse group: three different Christian denominations, a Buddhist, an agnostic yoga lover, and myself, probably best described as “spiritual but unaffiliated.” The results helped us all to rethink how we approach both motherhood and spirituality. This is what we came up with:

Facing our past: We often have to look back to move forward, and becoming parents often triggers a rethinking of our own childhood and the resulting psychological patterns. We have to really consider how we were raised, what we want to repeat with our own children and what we want to discard, what values ​​were instilled in us and what values ​​we want to transmit.

Develop self-awareness and overcome the ego: Our children test our patience, challenge our authority, and generally sometimes push us to the brink of sanity. What better way to discover and overcome all of our egoic patterns and triggers? Doing so is the true definition of humility – the building block of all spiritual beliefs.

Showing us the moment: Children, especially young ones, live completely in the moment. They marvel at a new flower, the colors of the sunset, the sensation of the wind. They may cry one minute and laugh the next. They naturally appreciate and marvel at the world, in a way that adults are often too busy or caught up in our own worries to do so. Our children can show us how to appreciate our world as it is, and therefore how to create the potential for deeper spiritual moments in our lives as well.

Building our resistance: Let’s face it, parenting is often exhausting, but there are no days off or comp days. You may have the flu, have been awake for two days in a row with your kid’s bout of the flu, and feel ready to collapse, but your (now recovered) kids still need help with their homework, packed lunch boxes, some kind of breakfast. , and maybe a hug or two when they fall. So keep going. Our children’s needs reveal a level of self-denial and resilience that few other things can accomplish. And as long as this doesn’t turn into martyrdom, sow the seeds for true selfless spiritual service.

Developing compassion: When our children suffer, physically or emotionally, it is like a knife through our hearts. The most self-absorbed adults cannot help but be transformed by their own desire to protect their children from harm. And that often opens the door to a more compassionate worldview, one in which we can acknowledge the suffering of others more fully, rather than turning a blind eye.

Renewing our inspiration: Watching a child develop often feels like witnessing a miracle and can rekindle our faith in a higher power. How exactly do they learn to walk? How do their little brains sort through the myriad things we tell them each day and learn to distinguish red from yellow, an apple from an orange? Or for that matter, how come they seem to come up with so much individual personality? For many of us, biology and genetics just don’t seem to account for the whole, and as we watch the creation process in action, we begin to wonder again about the power behind it all.

Opening Our Hearts: Many people say that the love they feel for their children is the most unconditional love they feel in their lives. In this sense, our love for our children can be a door to the universal love spoken of by the greatest mystics of all the world’s religions. The trick is to allow our love to open our hearts more, rather than closing them out of a sense of vulnerability or protection.