There seems to be a notion that fighting is okay and that such an act is a fair fight. Let’s be clear, fighting is not okay between couples and there is no such act as fair fighting.

Many self-described experts in communication or human behavior characterize fighting as being assertive even to the point of arguing and defending your position. In a relationship between two people who care for each other, fights should never happen. You must be willing to have a conversation or discuss anything with an open mind, but never fight. Not only should fights never happen in front of children, but even behind closed doors.

Be proactive by setting a good example

In reality, you need to be proactive in not only setting an example for the children, but also in building a positive, constructive, and loving relationship with the other significant adult in your life. For example, at the dinner table (and let’s understand the importance of having family dinners and not just everyone finding food for themselves), both adults should practice their conversation skills during that time.

You should at least choose one topic from the news of the day, ask the youth what questions they asked in their classes that day, and talk about the choices they would make if faced with a specific situation. They must be allowed to express their thoughts and opinions, but learn to express themselves respectfully and, above all, listen before speaking. Overall make this a nice, fun and expected experience. This is a profound example for children to watch and follow.

Keep practicing these skills

Away from children, you need to continue to practice the same skills so that children do not perceive them as artificial. Also, away from the children, specific topics such as family finances, relationships with other adults and in-laws, your personal relationship, and how to handle discipline should be discussed. If any of these issues have to be discussed with children, they must present a united front and not allow themselves to be manipulated by the children.

fair fighting is a joke

Again, the term fair fight is essentially a joke. When someone fights another person, the goal is to win the fight, otherwise why fight? Nobody gets into a fight with the intention of losing. Both participants in the fight will try to take advantage of the other. With the exception of physically trying to hurt the other person, fighting, as discussed here, is essentially arguing. When you’re arguing, you’re not listening to the other person, you’re essentially trying to get your points across.

Therefore, fighting fair is an oxymoron. The adjective fair should never be associated with fighting. You should learn and practice good conversation skills, learn to discuss deeper issues, and always show respect and consideration for the other person’s point of view.