How many times have you walked into a meeting and found everyone’s head down and fingers flying? This scenario is all too familiar in our workplaces, not to mention our homes. And we have accepted it as normal. In fact, I’ve heard arguments that our thumbs-down, head-down dancing behavior is the natural extension of our advanced society…that we have to grow and adapt…and that asking for different behavior is a step backwards. maybe.

To that, I politely say, “Bull.”

Yes – our BlackBerrys, iPhones, and other technology tools have changed our lives for the better, giving us more flexibility, information, and power than ever before.

And with great power comes great responsibility, as Spiderman says. Although our use of these tools has exploded at an unprecedented rate, no one has stopped to teach us how to integrate them into the work and life we ​​want to have. When there are no rules, technology rules us.

Why should we care?

Letting technology rule might be fine, if all else worked well. But is not. And we are missing something important in our professional and personal lives.

We lack connection.

“Connection?” you laugh at me, amazed. “Why, right now I’m connected to my 400 Twitter followers, 875 Facebook friends, and my email contact list in the thousands! I’m more connected than ever!”

All true. Are you connected. But are you connected?in g? My clients, friends and people in my audience tell me that they are not. In fact, they feel:

• Less connected with your colleagues, even those just a floor away,
• Plus distant from friends and family, and
• Even further away of their own thoughts and voices because they are constantly responding to the adrenaline buzz of their devices.

Connection is a basic human need, even a longing. We want to connect. So you’d think we’d do whatever it takes to connect, right? But we are not doing it. In fact, we are unintentionally replacing the connection with clicking.

And it’s not working.

The sad part is that I hear people say “this is how it has to be” to succeed in a connected world. Again, challenge, bull.

It’s time to make new rules

Our wonderful technological tools fell into our lives at great speed. When we quickly adapt to integrate its possibilities, we inadvertently create informal rules based on habits that we never think about, challenge, or reject. Until now.

Now, we have the opportunity to design new rules and techniques that work to support our success instead of draining it. With the new rules, we can take control of these amazing and powerful tools, and take back control of our work lives.

If you’re ready for new rules, here are four to try. If you want to connect more, try these and find out how you can click less.

Rule #1: Decide if it’s using your technology, or if it’s using you.

Start by asking yourself:

• Am I “pulled in” by work emails and calls during times I try to be there for my friends or family?
• Do my friends or loved ones complain that I pay more attention to technology than to them?
• Do I feel anxious or nervous when my technology buzzes or beeps?
• Do I text or manually dial while driving a car?

If you’ve said “yes” to any of these, your technology is using you. Remember, you’re the one with the brains here, and you’re too smart to get used to it.

Rule #2: Experiment with the different connection.

In many of our workplaces, we seem to have forgotten that we have alternatives to email, text messages, and tweets. So here’s a reminder! You can still:

• Call instead of click. Sure, voicemail can be misused just as much as email, but a short, upbeat, and clear message helps build a stronger personal connection.
• Walk instead of click. Go to someone’s location, even if it’s a few minutes away. If you’re craving a connection, never pass up a face-to-face opportunity: build relationships, avoid multitasking, generate better ideas, and it’s just more fun!
• Typing instead of clicking. No physical handwritten notes are passed. They’re easy to do and convey powerful emotions, even when they just say a simple “thank you.” Notes are saved and remembered.

Rule #3 – Create Your Click-Free Zones

Your local 7-Eleven may be open all the time, with a rotating staff coming in and out. But you, as an individual, cannot be “open for business” 24/7, especially if you want to work at your full energy and be successful.

When your devices are on and you’re “open” to receive and respond to information, you’re open to work. But you can also choose a time or a situation to be “closed”. I call them your “click-free zones.” For example:

• On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I don’t check email after 7 pm
• I don’t use my business cell phone on the weekends.
• On Mondays, I don’t check email until after our weekly staff meeting.
• I don’t use my BlackBerry when I’m eating with someone else.

Sounds extreme? You can make exceptions, as long as they are clear. For example:

• I don’t check email after 7:00 pm, except during the week the monthly newsletter is due.
• I only turn on my iPhone in meetings if I’m expecting a call from a client or if we need to find information that will help the meeting. If my iPhone is on for one of these reasons, I’ll say so at the beginning of the meeting; otherwise it will be off.

Your click-free zone gives you permission to be fully present and attentive at times when you normally aren’t. It allows you to recharge and refresh, and will strengthen your performance in the long run.

Rule #4: Share your rules with others.

We teach others how to treat us. If we are constantly available and responsive, whether or not the request is of high priority and value, we teach them that our time is fully accessible and as such less valuable.

Communicate the new rules you’ve created and share your click-free zones. Then, act on them consistently. Resist letting others blame you for your commitments to yourself.

Resist making too many exceptions, too: They send a message that you don’t mean business and make your word less valuable.

Finally, remember that the rules you create are yours and yours alone. They will not work for everyone in the same way that you will make them work for you. You can give yourself a gift: create your rules uniquely for the way you want to work, live, and connect.