It’s never a good feeling when you realize your marriage is over, or at least, on its last leg. There are times when our relationships are not easy. But there can also come a time when buried resentments turn to bitterness and small problems become insurmountable problems. Some of these problems can be solved; it can be difficult, and both parties need to feel equally confident that the marriage is worth saving, and others just can’t. So when you find yourself feeling like your marriage is over, is it time to pack up and move on, or make a final push?

In the end, no one can answer that question because only you and your spouse know what’s really going on in your relationship. The issues that lead to the dissolution of a marriage do not arise, without warning, overnight. Often these are longstanding grievances that go undiscussed or unhandled, causing the resentment to build and build until it replaces love in your relationship. If you realize that your marriage is over and your relationship has evolved to this point, it will be very difficult to get things back on track.

Individual or couples counseling should always be considered as a last ditch effort to try to save your marriage in crisis. By the time relationships reach a point where divorce is being discussed, it is often difficult for a couple to communicate with each other in a meaningful way. Having a neutral third party to productively direct and control the conversation can be helpful. But therapy will only work if both partners commit to going and getting the most out of therapy. If your spouse refuses to seek counseling at this time, there is a good chance that your marriage is sadly over.

As difficult as it is to get divorced, it’s better to give yourself and your spouse a chance to find happiness elsewhere than to live a miserable existence with someone you feel nothing but resentment for. It’s hard to admit defeat, especially in something as sacred as marriage, but there’s no point in subjecting both yourself and your spouse to undue misery for the sake of pride. It will take a lot of long, deep, introspective thinking on your part to decide whether or not it’s worth sticking around in the end. When you feel like your marriage is over, you can take steps to save it if you think it’s possible, or you can cut your losses before someone gets hurt more than they already have.