More than anything, you REALLY want to text him…but you have no idea what to say.

Texting your ex boyfriend can be disastrous if done incorrectly. But it can also be an incredibly effective way to get her attention. Send the right text, at the right time? And suddenly the tide turns, and HE is chasing you again.

First though, know that texting an ex boyfriend is usually not a good idea. Not initially, at least.

A few things need to happen before you send any type of text message. There are certain opening moves that you should make before beginning any contact with your ex boyfriend. Learn them first, before you decide to pick up that phone and text it.

Once you’ve done that? Time to get to the good stuff:

Knowing when to text your ex boyfriend

Know from the outset that your ex boyfriend will only accept limited contact with you. There is a small level of post-breakup conversation that is acceptable. So the first time you call or text him? He will listen. The 450th time you get close? No way.

The truth is that less is usually more. You have one or two good opportunities to make positive contact after your ex leaves you, so don’t waste them. Especially don’t waste them begging or pleading or telling your ex to give you “another chance” which will only push him away and make any future contact you have with him fall on deaf ears.

Okay, on the subject of WHEN to text your ex boyfriend:

Your main goal when sending a post-breakup text is to get an immediate and positive response. So, with that in mind, he’ll want to send the text at a time when he’s sure his ex-boyfriend isn’t busy.

The morning is always hard; there is a lot going on and most people are in a hurry. The day isn’t so good either: lots of people are at work or school, or your ex might be hanging out with his friends. You do NOT want to text him while he is out with his friends, so you should wait until or around 9pm at night.

Waiting until dark is a good idea because your boyfriend’s day is over. Things aren’t that crazy, dinner is over and probably relaxed. This is when he is most receptive to hearing from you. And this is also when he is most likely to get a positive response.

At night, people get nostalgic. They also feel lonely. If your ex thinks of you, it is during these moments. This is when he will miss you, miss your relationship, and sometimes even revisit those good old days together.

Okay, so you know the moment. Now what do you say when you text your ex?

Send your ex the message “I’m fine”

Getting your boyfriend back is a series of methodical steps. And the first? To let him know that you’ve stopped resisting the breakup.

To do this, you need to let your boyfriend know that you are completely and totally okay with the breakup. And this is how:

“Hey, I just wanted to say that I’m totally okay with the breakup. I thought about it a lot and you’re right, ending things is the way to go. Take care of yourself, and who knows? Maybe one day we can even be friends.”

Shorts. Sweet. It’s this type of text that will instantly reach your ex boyfriend, and even though you didn’t say much, what made saying will have a significant impact on how he sees you now.

First of all, you are not fighting him. This is unnerving to your ex boyfriend, because he expected you to fight for the relationship. Now all of a sudden you really agree with him. You are not asking you to move on, and you are not ashamed of yourself by throwing yourself at his feet.

The most interesting thing about this text is that puts you on his side. Like it or not, suddenly you’re on his team. There is nothing to fight or argue about, because you agree. And this is the first step in creating those important emotional ties that will eventually bring you together again.

Texting your ex boyfriend the text “No more talking”

After a break up, there are usually dozens if not hundreds of back and forth conversations that people will have with their exes. Most of it becomes accusatory. Things turn sour quickly and the memories between you are poisoned with all kinds of bad blood.

But you’re going to avoid all that. Because this is what you say:

“Hey, I was just thinking, and it’s probably best if we don’t talk anymore. I agree 100% with what you said. Good luck, and maybe we’ll be friends again one day.”

This is known as a pre-breakup strike. Instead of letting HIM dictate when and how they communicate with each other, they just ripped the entire Band-Aid off with one quick yank.

Your ex boyfriend was ready to fight you over text messages. I was ready to ignore your texts, reply with sarcastic jokes, and basically inflate his own ego as you tried and failed to communicate with him on your phone.

Instead of all that, YOU ended all contact with HIM. This puts YOU in the driver’s seat, because YOU dictated what would happen next. And what happens? Any. Because you’re not going to text or call him until he calls you first.

And believe me, that will certainly happen. Right after sending a text like this? Your ex is stumped. He wonders what the hell happened to CHANGE YOUR MIND. Did you go ahead? Did some other guy come on the scene? Will you go out now and see other people?

One of the things that your ex has not yet had to face is the possibility of losing you. This is because he always knew that he could get you back whenever he wanted. By cutting off all communication between you, he has created a silence that makes him extremely uncomfortable. And feeling uncomfortable is one of the biggest motivators when it comes to rethinking his decision to break up with you in the first place.

Texting your ex to ‘make him jealous’

This is a quick and effective text message that will rock your world. Are you ready?

“Hey, you know, I agree with you. It would definitely be better if we both started seeing other people. Sorry, this didn’t work out. Good luck to you.”

Once again, your boyfriend broke things off knowing that he could call off the breakup at any time. With just a word or two, you would fly back into his arms.

But after this text message? NO. Suddenly that is no longer a certainty.