What used to be taboo, ‘not for children’ is in the mainstream media. Keeping parental checks on all the violence, sexuality, and other inappropriate information being marketed to your child every day is like cutting down a forest while new trees are sprouting up behind you. Exasperated parents wonder how to counter all the negative information their children are bombarded with from television, the Internet, music and videos. Getting everything out of sight is hard work and unrealistic. The answer is simple but not always easy. For your children to join you, first they have to get on board their ship. Parents, educators and caregivers have to find subtle ways to get involved and start conversations about what interests their children and what they are exposed to.

This is especially important when working with children and adults with ADHD, autism, and Asperger syndrome. Here are systematic steps to make your children more open and receptive to talking about what they see and hear:

1. Find ways to differentiate what your kids like to watch, play, and listen to. This does not mean that you become a devotee of their rock or rap groups. Your kids won’t like you trying to be them. You can casually ask him to play a round of his video game or join him for an episode of his TV show.

2. Open dialog. Start conversations about your child’s interests. If you watched a TV show together, show your interest with non-judgmental questions. Asking for factual information is safe and brings you up to speed with the characters. “Why was she in trouble?” “Did she ever go out with him?” As your child gets the sense that her interest is genuine, you can add some opinion questions to it. “What did you think about how he treated her?” Keep it light and short.

3. Watch for teachable moments. As your child builds trust in your intentions, opportunities will present themselves for you to gently influence. If your child isn’t in the mood to listen, don’t push him. He continues to come across as a concerned father.

4. Listen to your child with your full attention. Practice staying silent longer than you speak. This shows in both your words and your body language. Be face to face and focus on your child, not on multiple tasks. If your child is on a talking streak, use it as a great opportunity to listen.

6. Make comments that show an open mind. Ignore what turns you off. When your child feels that you respect his world, you are opening a door to communication.

7. Ask open-ended questions that help your child think. “What did you think about the part where…?” She respects her answer and briefly reflects what she understands about her son’s point of view. So she shares yours in a nutshell.

8. Keep it simple. Young children need brief and clear information. It doesn’t change as they get older. Teenagers are wary of what they seem to read. A little nugget of simple wisdom is more likely to stick with them.

9. Start showing your interest when they are young. As they get older, it will be second nature for your children to talk about their world.

10. Be patient. Children’s job is to order their experiences and, with your guidance, create their own set of strong and sensible values.

Copyright Ellen Mossman-Glazer 2005. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share or reprint this article, as long as it remains as written with all copyright and contact information included along with a link to http://artofbehaviorchange.com This content is training and education and is not intended to replace the psychological services. , when advisable and appropriate.