Shelley called me crying from the hospital. Marcus, her husband of thirty-two years, had died that very night. His passing was not unexpected: the cancer had spread throughout his body and, three weeks ago, Marcus entered palliative care. I had visited him twice, giving the couple and their two adult children all the support I could. And now, I was happy to support Shelley in this time of need, and graciously let her know that she shouldn’t feel guilty because Marcus had died when she and her children left him to go to the hospital cafeteria for dinner.

I feel so selfish, “he said sobbing.” As we ate, and laughed! Marc was dying, alone! “

“Shelley,” I said tenderly, “take a deep breath and tell me what happened.”

She and her children had been visiting and noticed that Marcus was a little quieter than usual. Sometimes he looked into space. Shelley sensed that her husband was concerned about something and redoubled her efforts to encourage him. Around five o’clock, she said she was feeling better and told her and her children to come downstairs for something to eat. “Don’t go hungry on my own,” he said.

Shelley chuckled into the phone. “How typical of Marc. He never wanted to upset anyone.” Then he started crying again. “But I feel so … guilty!”

“I understand your feelings,” I told him. “But you have nothing to feel guilty about. Look at it this way – maybe Marcus asked you to leave because deep down he felt it was his time to move into spirit. Maybe his soul just knew.”

Attentively, I explained what I believe, based on what I have learned through my work as a medium. The moment of someone’s death and the transition to the afterlife is difficult for some people, because they feel trapped between the physical world and the spiritual world. On the one hand, your soul is preparing to meet the spirits of relatives who have already passed away and are happy to see them, but they also feel tied to friends and relatives in the living who are sad to see them leave. So instead of causing pain to loved ones left behind, the individual tries to organize his own death, when no one is around.

“But I don’t get it,” Shelley said. “Why would Marc want to die?”

“Nobody wants to die,” I told her, trying to comfort her. “But his body was very weak. He was in pain and was under constant sedation. His choice was to stay here in pain, or to transition to a more peaceful realm, where his spirit would be free.”

“And didn’t he die alone, thinking that we had abandoned him at his worst?”

“Not at all,” I said, and told her what had happened with the passing of my mentor, Sadie, who was like a surrogate mother to me. As the time of Sadie’s death approached, she phoned to say that she was being visited by her mother, siblings, and other spirit family members who were preparing a place for her in the other world. This encouraged her immensely.

Shelley seemed encouraged by my words. However, she asked, “Are you sure this is what happened to Marc?”

He was about to tell Shelley that he believed it with all his heart. But I remembered that Shelley was a friend, not a client, and she was comfortable with her religious convictions. What I was saying was probably not easy for someone whose spiritual ideas were different from mine to digest.

“I feel like it’s true,” I said, “but until it’s our time to go home, we won’t know for sure.”

“And you think …” Shelley struggled with her words. “Do you think … when it’s my time to … you know … Marc will be there to help me … get to heaven?”

“I’m sure,” I promised him. “I know that for sure.”

“Thank you,” he said quietly. We talked for a few more minutes, then he hung up. He really wanted to tell her that when he was ready, Marcus would visit his wife here on the Earth plane and continue to watch over her and her children. But, like I said, Shelley was comfortable with her religious beliefs and I wasn’t going to press my philosophy on hers. But I tactfully let him know that if he started dreaming about Marcus, or if he started to find pennies in his house, or if he saw his presence out of the corner of his eye, well, he could call me to chat at any time.

If you have any questions or comments on this topic or on any other spiritual matter, please write to me at [email protected]. And please visit me again!