Although a man is an interdependent human being, that does not mean that he will be able to act like one. The reason for this is that he may not be able to spend much time alone.

When you are alone, you could soon feel very uncomfortable and end up doing everything you can to find someone to be with. Because of this, he will act more like a dependent human being.

Many options

Thanks to the number of friends you can have, it may not be long before you can find someone to spend time with. If he does not approach a friend, he could communicate with a woman with whom he shares his body.

There is a possibility that he will have several women like that in his life. Consequently, there will more or less always be someone who is available, thus avoiding having to be alone for a long time.

another scenario

On the other hand, he could practically always be in a relationship with a woman. This does not mean that he will never engage in casual encounters; it means that he would rather be in a relationship.

By being in one, you’ll have someone there when you’re not out with your friends, at work or socializing, for example. This could mean that you are not very insightful when it comes to who you have in your life, which could cause you to often spend time with the wrong people.

self alienation

Since you spend so much time with others, it’s unlikely that you have a very good connection with yourself. For him to have this, he would need to start spending time alone.

This would allow you to tune in to what is happening in your body and mind and connect with your essence. However, as he is deeply uncomfortable when he is alone, this is not going to happen.

two results

When you are alone then, you will experience a lot of discomfort and desperately need to get away from yourself. Alternatively, he could end up disconnecting from himself and going into his head.

If the latter happens, you will be alone but you will not be able to connect with what is happening inside you. Before long, he could soon find someone who is available and willing to spend time with him.

A life of escape

Because he has such a strong need to be around others, it might seem like he really wants to connect with them. However, your greatest need will be to avoid how you feel, not to really connect with another.

In order for you to truly connect with another, you will need to be in touch with yourself and your own feelings. Being around others will be a way to avoid your own feelings and thoughts, so you won’t be able to experience deeper connections with others.

loss of self

When you’re in a relationship, you might end up becoming what the other person wants you to be or what he thinks he wants you to be. Then he won’t be able to maintain who he is; he will lose himself.

Being with another will keep you from being alone, but what it won’t do is make you feel truly seen and heard. Thus, you will gain one thing, human contact, but lose another, awareness of your own needs and feelings.

draw the line

After you get to the point where you can no longer live this way (your real self will be screaming or whispering), you might end up investigating why that is. Behaving in this way will not serve him and a part of him, no matter how small, will want his life to change.

Searching for answers, he was able to find that his behavior as an adult is due to what he experienced early in his life. So how he was treated from the time he was born and for several years afterward.

back in time

This may have been a time when his developmental needs were not being met on a regular basis by his mother. There would have been times when she was available and times when she wasn’t.

This would have meant that he was often abandoned and felt deeply alone. When her mother was close to her, he would have probably gone to great lengths to keep her close to her.

anxious attachment style

Since his mother was there from time to time and could tune in to his needs and was therefore accessible during those times, this would have prevented him from developing an avoidant attachment style. That is why he approaches others as an adult and does not have a tendency to isolate himself.

But even though this is the case, these early experiences made him believe that others are likely to abandon him and that his needs are bad. This would have undermined his ability to trust, let go, and be comfortable with his needs.

Going forward

You would have experienced a lot of pain throughout this stage of your life and this pain will remain in your body. Overcoming this pain will be a big part of allowing you to settle down and feel comfortable being alone; to go from a dependent being to an interdependent one.

This is unlikely to happen in a few days or weeks, although it could take several months, if not years. What you will need to keep in mind is that you will have many layers of pain within you.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and is ready to turn his life around, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.