Your mother is your first friend. She’s the one who rocked you when you were a baby. This article is about the loss of a mother. Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mother. I have had many people over the years who have lost their mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I had no idea how painful it is to not have your mother with you.

It doesn’t matter what you write in this article if you haven’t lost your mother (God bless all mothers with long life!). You will not fully understand the depth of the grievance one goes through. The bread is paralyzing and hits you at random times. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you’re huddled in your bedroom in inconceivable pain.

If you’ve lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding.

My mother passed away on June 17, 2014. She had been suffering from seasonal fever prior to her death. Her death with only a fever was unbearable for everyone. She was in Lahore almost 250 km from home on the day of her death. And almost a week before her death we met. And one day before her death we had cellular communication.

The day he died, I was attending a conference, my phone was on vibrate mode. A girl sitting next to me told me that your phone is vibrating. I said ok, I’ll see you after the reading. But the phone was constantly vibrating. I left the conference room and picked up the call, she was my sister, she spoke to me as usual, what’s up? Have you made your breakfast? etc I told him it’s my class time, I’m busy, I’ll call you later. One thing to mention as she was married I thought she was calling from her house. But this time she was at mom’s house. She said listen! Actually, she had no words to tell me about my mother. I remembered that it was Tuesday and the next Monday was my final exam. She said can you come home today? I said are you okay? I am preparing for my exams. I’ll be back after my exams. Goodbye, and end the call.

When I entered the conference room, my phone vibrated again… And she said, listen, Ami is coming to Lahore for medical checkup because she had a fever, so when will you be free? I said how are they going to reach I’m going to be free. I will contact them after the conference. I was doing all this without seriousness because at that moment nothing was serious for me, but my sister was thoughtful. Because at that time my mother was suffering from 104 fever and the doctors referred her to Lahore. She was unaware of all this. There was nothing wrong in my mind. After 10 minutes I realized that something was going to be wrong with me. I started calling my house, every contact number was unanswered. I tried a lot but i couldn’t do anything and i started to cry why all the contacts are OFF. Briefly… (And then she died on the way to Lahore)! And unfortunately, I got close to her deathbed 3-5 minutes before she was buried.

I am writing about my experience. Your experience may be completely different, but most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.

The first few days after your mother’s death will feel blurry. It will work only in the sense that she will communicate with relatives, comfort family members, and go ahead with necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this moment. After a few days, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Mistaken! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be the same. How can it be?

For the first few weeks, your family and friends will be wonderful. They will offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They will offer to take you out to dinner and listen to you talk about how bad the bread is. You will hear a lot of “I’m here for you” and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.

After a couple of months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They will stop asking how you are and will even look concerned when you want to talk about your mother. You see, people who have not been through this pain think that there is a period of mourning and that’s it. After some time, you should be ready to move on with your life and “get over it.” But you’ll never get over it. The pain will lessen and the moments of intense pain will be more spaced, but how can you overcome the loss of your mother?

Well-meaning people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They will try to keep you busy and some of them will not mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to keep busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up with you.

After my mother died, I tried to put the grievance away. Every time she felt like breaking me down, she would take a deep breath and deal with something else. This worked for a while, but not for long. The pain wouldn’t go away and I needed to feel it. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no set time limit on the process.

The old saying “Time heals all wounds” isn’t entirely accurate, but it’s also not entirely inaccurate.

I don’t know if the wound of losing a mother will ever heal. The bread becomes more bearable over time. But how long should it take? no one can say. I spent months remembering my mother as the perfect human being that she was. She was a wonderful person, but let’s face it, she was human, death is inevitable. Remembering the bad times is not always easy. But there’s nothing you can do about it now. You can’t push it away because, like the grievance, she will find you. My mother knew that she loved her very much and I knew the same about her.

It has been three and a half years since my mother passed away. Her brothers miss her very much. We laugh and smile as the mother used to say when we were children. At some point after your mother’s death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the best things we can do to honor our mothers and the love we have for them.

Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.

On those days when you miss your mother, don’t fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. As it was said, “Mothers deserve to be remembered”!

“God has my mother in his care, and I have my mother in my heart”!