I waited until I was 23 to get my first Pap test. Now I have spent 10 years dreading that annual exam. Sometimes I have been nervous for several days before. Even after giving birth to two babies, I was still dreading that anal, I mean annual check … until recently. I finally had what I might call a “nice dad”. I told the AP it was the best porridge I had ever had. I think I know why. If you hate those annual exams, follow these simple guidelines and learn to love your dad.

First, I asked for a doctor. Go to an office that has female doctors or physician assistants.

For me, having a doctor reach into such a private area made the visit that much more stressful. It probably didn’t help that my OB / GYN is 6’6. One of those hands could hold a small child.

Now I always program with the PA, a little lady with little hands. She is a woman and she is small. That’s a huge plus for me, someone who almost passes out when putting on a tampon.

Second, wear socks. For many years, I was told to relax when I lay down on that crisp paper in that doctor’s cold bed in a freezing room. It is difficult to relax when there is a metal or plastic object in the vagina and it is not foreplay. Try adding a temperature that is several degrees below your comfort level. The simple act of wearing socks helps warm up your entire body and you can relax a bit more.

Third, use a jacket or blanket. I know I looked a little ridiculous walking into the GYNO in a sweater and socks in Florida … in July. Just carry a backpack. For the same reasons you wear socks, wearing a jacket or keeping warm with a blanket will help your muscles relax and there are a lot of muscles “down there.”

Fourth, eat chocolate. A little bit of chocolate a few minutes before helps release those happy chemicals. Studies have shown that chocolate causes your brain to release serotonin, a chemical that helps you feel happier and more relaxed. Happiness is relaxing and that’s a great key to having a happy mush.

Fifth, talk to your doctor. Making jokes about my “ridiculous” fear of doctors helps me relax. Talking about your plans for the weekend or a book you’re reading can really take your mind off the procedure. Usually a quiet person, I tend to speak with my ears about my PA. It really works.

Lastly, bring something to read. There is nothing worse than sitting half naked in a waiting room on crumpled paper with nothing to do but look at the strange instruments that the doctor will put in your vagina while your legs are spread in an awkward division. If you have something to read, time will fly by and you can avoid looking around and thinking about the poll ahead.

I recommend that all OB / GYNs have chocolate, dresses, slippers, and a variety of reading material in their exam rooms. I am surprised this has not been done. The ladies would line up at the door to get a potato in that office. Until then, follow in my footsteps and take the needs and you’re telling your doctor, or PA, that you loved your Pap.