I have received several emails from readers sharing what triggers their self-criticism. Self-criticism can be one of the HUGE obstacles to address, because it underlies all.

What you say to yourself will determine how you feel, the behaviors and actions you take, and the words you say to others. Your “invisible scripts” shape your experience of your world. They are the brushes on the canvas of your life (OK, that was a bit corny, but you get the point).

The tricky thing about these invisible scripts is that they are… well, invisible.

You usually don’t notice them. They run in the back of your mind all day and come to you as if they were real.

Your invisible scripts sound like an observation of reality, but they are actually a biased judgment coming from a part of you that wants you to continue behaving the same way you always have.

Here are some recent reader comments on your self-criticism or invisible scripts. I have highlighted the invisible writings for emphasis. Here are the things these readers tell themselves and believe to be true:

“If I take a lick of something that I feel is ‘bad food,’ I start to feel I have failed and throw in the towel. I know logically I can’t be perfect, but I use that inability to let a binge take over. Has no sense.“

“I teach pilates and actually COACH people around health and fitness…and then I can’t even control myself! I get home and somehow start eating, then I get so mad at myself for being a weak failure. I do not know what is happening to me.“

“It’s like ever since I moved to the US and started having kids, I kind of lost touch with myself or something. I don’t have a lot of time to myself and when the kids finally go to bed I just want to eat I know it’s a bad habit but I can not stop doing it.“

“I’ll be fine for a week and eat healthy and then I just lose it and say to hell with that and hate myself. I know better, but it doesn’t matter when I’m alone and have a moment of weakness. It would be nice to have a piece of chocolate or something, but I can’t do that. Once I start, I don’t stop.“

More often than not, other than that you know what you’re telling yourself probably isn’t REALLY true, but you believe it anyway.

Which makes a lot of sense if a part of you is actually used to punishing yourself.

Naturally, that part is going to be looking for ways to be right that you’re not good enough, a failure, or whatever you tell yourself when you’re being judgmental. So when you eat something that one part of you has judged to be “bad,” the other part of you will rejoice in victory because it’s RIGHT to always throw in the towel.

The trick is to notice when that part of you seems to be right.

When you hear these negative thoughts running through your head, take note. Look what’s happening. You don’t need to stop the thoughts (or feel doubly bad because you’re allowing negative thoughts to override everything). Just watch them.

You can appreciate that it comes from a part of your ego or your “animal brain” that is simply doing its job. Like your ego or your “animal brain”, your number 1 priority is to protect it.

It’s trying to keep you in the same patterns because those are reliable patterns that you’ve lived in for most of your life. He doesn’t want you to do something radically different, like enjoy the pleasure of food for what it is and NOT punish yourself for it.

Our minds are funny things.

When you notice this part of you, you can see it for what it is. You don’t have to react to it unless you choose to. If you choose to react as you normally would, you are making a conscious decision. This puts you in the driver’s seat because you are make a decision instead of reacting on autopilot.

This is very similar to when you feel like eating when you are not physically hungry or overeating. The urges are being driven by this very part, the “animal” brain, which is trying to protect you by comforting, nurturing, and feeding you because, for whatever reason, it feels triggered.

A common response to these impulses, much like invisible scripts, is to react and do what you’ve done before. Whether it’s beating you up, calling you a failure, or eating the whole box of ice cream.

The hard thing to do with cravings or the urge to eat is noticing the urge to react and choosing to let it run its course without taking action.

Likewise, the hard thing to do with nasty self-criticism is noticing it, choosing to acknowledge where it’s coming from, thanking it for trying to protect you, and then letting it go.

It’s hard because, in the moment, it feels SO REAL.

And when you’re so triggered, if you’re like me, you don’t want to let it go. You want to be moody, nasty, and belittling with yourself because you think you deserve it.

So here’s a challenge for you this week:

See if you can find the “invisible script” or the voice that tells you that you’re failing (or that you’re weak, ugly, or whatever word you choose). You don’t have to take it seriously. You can hear it as if you were listening to a small dog barking at your ankles. You know it’s there, but you don’t have to commit to it unless you choose to.

Notice how often you hear it.

Notice what you’re doing when you hear it.

See if you can pull away for a moment when you hear it. If this is your “animal brain” telling you this message to keep you behaving a certain way and feeling bad about yourself, it’s not real. It is an activated and programmed impulse. Congratulate yourself for being able to recognize it.

Congratulating yourself in the face of unpleasant self-deprecation is the opposite of what you will feel compelled to do. But you have the winning hand: you can’t transform it until you can see it.

When you can see it for what it is, it will run out of steam. The more you notice criticism and decide not to indulge it, the easier it will be to let it slide and turn your attention elsewhere.

Can you identify your scripts?