“Oh man! I really messed things up. I have to find a way to get her back!” Brian sounded desperate. Thoughts of him are all too common for men after a breakup.

Every situation and every relationship is unique. Relationships are as varied as the people in them. However, if you want to get your girlfriend back, the same rules apply in almost every situation.

This article looks at the steps you can take right now, today, to help you get your ex girlfriend back.

Your first step should always be to create space

When you first realize that you want your ex back, you may be prone to acts of desperation. You will feel the need to do something fast. This usually leads to begging, pleading, apologizing, and even buying things like flowers or gifts. The thoughts that go through your mind are:

“If I don’t get her back fast, she’ll meet someone else.”

“She will forget about me, move on and never accept me.”

“If I can talk to her and tell her how much I love and miss her, all will be forgiven.”

When you get into this state of mind, you tend to panic. You start trying to push your way back into the relationship and end up pushing your ex girlfriend away. If you find that she seems more and more distant the more you try to repair the relationship, then you are probably pushing too hard.

Remember, time and space are good things when it comes to getting your ex back. Back off completely. don’t call don’t text. Don’t email him or go to his house or apartment. If you did something wrong, apologize once and then leave your ex girlfriend alone. Let her think and control her emotions. This is the exact phase of the breakup where most men screw things up forever. Do not be one of them.

Allowing your ex girlfriend to miss you is one of the most powerful and effective ways to win her back. Why? Because now her thoughts turn to losing you forever.

“Are you dating someone else?”

“Have you already forgotten about me?”

“Is it worth losing him forever?”

“I’m upset, but I miss him and I still love him.”

If you’ve been pushing too hard, take a step back and watch the dynamics of your relationship change. Be prepared for what you have to do next.