Social media has overtaken pornography as the number one activity on the web. More than 80% of US divorce lawyers cite social media in divorce proceedings, and one in five divorces is blamed on Facebook, according to the Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. It is obvious that social media is having an adverse effect on our relationships. However, social networks are not bad in themselves. It is our excess and misuse that is wreaking havoc and diverting our attention from those we love. You may be wondering, why does social media have such negative effects on our relationships, when it’s supposedly designed to keep us connected? Well the short answer is; the time, energy, attention, and enthusiasm that you used to devote to your partner is now spent trying to keep up with the different social media, news, and happenings online. This interferes with the real, distraction-free face-to-face time needed with our true friends and loved ones. Traditionally our relationships are built on the four elements mentioned above; time, energy, attention and enthusiasm. Sharing quality time and open communication is how you get to know someone.

Social networks connect, but online relationships are not authentic. It is very difficult to really get to know someone without spending time in person with them. However, once you have spent the time to successfully build a relationship, you must continue the same healthy behavior to maintain it. Neglecting the person you love because you can’t stop checking social media won’t help keep your relationship strong.

Like anything else that has the potential to become addictive, social media can and is becoming more and more of a chronically addictive behavior, comparable to alcoholism and drug addiction. Too much of anything is a bad thing and will cause other areas of your life to suffer as a result of the imbalance. So, if you have experienced or are experiencing problems in your relationship due to bad social media habits on your part or the part of your loved one, and would like to undo the negative effects it is causing, this article is for you. It is not too late to start taking some corrective steps, for the sake of staying together and saving and strengthening your love and relationship. Here are five ways to start undoing the havoc social media is wreaking on your relationship.

Unplug as often as possible

Increasingly, we are easily distracted and lack the ability to concentrate. This is due to all the distractions caused by being connected all the time to social networks, the Internet and our smart devices. Are you showing your relationship the attention it needs? If not, schedule time every day if possible or once or twice a week where you spend time with your partner without electronic distractions. This means going back “old school” to the days when there were no laptops, cell phones or anything. Plan a picnic, go for a walk, sit in the park, garden together, run or bike. Do you get the idea? Plan a fun, real-world activity that will get your blood pumping, rekindle the romance, make you sweat, and most importantly, connect the two of you. Put the phones on silent or better yet turn them off completely and relearn how to enjoy each other’s company. Turning off electronic devices helps you relax more and be present in the moment without anxiety or constant interruptions.

Have at least one meal together without interruptions

This may seem like a strange to do list, but many couples are so busy that they don’t even take the time to eat together. Social networks are causing us to lose focus on what is really important in our lives, in each other. What happens when you set the table for two, light a candle, and share a meal? They are forced to slow down, talk, relax, and focus on each other for a change. You feel that you matter and your presence is valued when you have someone’s undivided attention. Your partner needs to know that they are valued and important in your life, so planning a dinner, breakfast, or lunch together will do wonders to improve difficult relationship situations. Whatever’s going on in the social world should never be more important than what’s going on with you and your partner at home during quality time together.

Communicate more offline

Constant use of social media is diminishing our communication skills and making us afraid to talk to others. As a result, we are starting to talk less. It is very difficult to maintain a loving relationship if there is no communication, no words of affirmation, no exchange of thoughts and ideas. The best communication happens face to face when the two of you are together, not through a tweet or a status update. Don’t wait until you break up and then send the “I love you” or “I miss you” text. Seize the moment and create the memory by sharing your feelings in each other’s presence. Are you using electronics and social media to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner? Do you all live together? Ok, just one more question. Why? Oh, and stop right away! Replace the DM with an actual verbal heartfelt message.

Mix social media with real life

More often, poor decisions are made to interact through social media instead of spending face-to-face time with their partner. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use social media to communicate with someone special, it just means it doesn’t have to be the only way you interact. Use your social networks to strengthen real life relationships and take a leap further. Make plans to meet up, plan a wonderful surprise evening for your lover, or use it to talk dirty and put yourself in a good mood. Social media, if used better, could increase the intensity of real-world relationships rather than break them, but this depends on us developing better etiquette. Combining your social media use with your real life relationship could definitely benefit your time together if done right.

get help

Your use of social media could be well beyond your ability to control. In this case, it may be to your benefit to seek professional help. Social media addiction is real, and the effects of any addiction tend to be negative for the abuser, as well as those close to him. Just as alcohol and drugs can ruin a marriage, family, career, etc., so can any behavior that is compulsive and becomes uncontrollable. Addictions are usually created to satisfy a need or alleviate an anxiety of some kind. Unbalanced relationships, lack of support, lack of love shown are all reasons why you could use your social media community as a constant outlet to fill in the gaps. However, this behavior will only further contribute to the failure of your relationship.