Getting your girlfriend back takes a lot of steps, but in the end there is only one thing you really need to do: make your ex want you back. Any attempt to fix her relationship will fail until she gets to the point where she needs you emotionally, mentally, and physically again. Getting to this point is the hard part. Just as every couple is different, every breakup will have different circumstances. However, there are also common threads that you can exploit to get back together with your ex.

As difficult as it is, the first thing you need to do is cut off all communication with your ex girlfriend. This means not calling her, but also not emailing or texting her ex. Even if she said that she wants to keep in touch, even if she tries…the sooner you break contact, the better off you are. “Let’s be friends” is nothing more than a fantasy, and if you are ready to try that route, you will end up very disappointed. The road to friendship leads to the dreaded “Friend Zone”, from which there is little chance of escape. It also leads to you having to grit your teeth and watch her date other men, while all the while sitting in a fit of jealousy, trying to act happy for her.

To learn how to get an ex girlfriend back, you will first need to drop off her radar. Totally, totally and absolutely. Even if you work or go to school with her, there are ways to avoid all but the most casual contact. Think of it this way: you never miss someone until they’re gone. Likewise, your ex-girlfriend can’t miss you if you’re always around her. Go away for a while and your disappearance becomes an issue that you suddenly need to reconcile.

Imagine the mystery you become: she has seen or heard from you every day for as long as you’ve been dating… and then, as if by magic, you completely disappear. He will begin to wonder where you went, who you are with and what you are doing. She will even worry that maybe you don’t need her as much as she thought, which is exactly what you want. She was looking to see you hurt, angry, or maybe even fighting to get her back. None of that happened. By doing absolutely nothing, you simply got into your girlfriend’s head. And there you will stay, until the next time you contact your ex.

For a while, you will have to keep busy while avoiding all contact with your ex girlfriend. Go out, do things, see your friends and enjoy free time. As time goes by, your ex will look for ways to communicate with you. She can do it through something as simple as an innocent email, or as complicated as sending her friends to meet you. In essence, your ex wants to know that you are still close to her. It’s always good to know that the person you left behind is there to come back to if you want to. By disappearing, you have taken away that security. And by completely ignoring her, she is suddenly extremely interested in you.

After a while without any contact, ex girlfriend calls, text messages or anything else, your ex will eventually start to question herself. Even though she initiated the breakup, she will actually start to miss you. She’ll start to think that you’ve moved on without her, that maybe you found someone else, or maybe you never cared for her as much as she thought you did. All these things will worry her. You have damaged her ego and removed yourself from a position of need. These are the keys to get your ex back. You’ve put her at a disadvantage, and you haven’t even made a single move.

When enough time has passed, ex girlfriend calling etiquette requires that you finally call her back. Choose one of the emails or messages from her, then tell her that she just received it. Ask her what she wanted her and let her stumble on an answer. Then casually ask her how she’s been doing, what she’s been doing, and how she’s been doing with her family. She will be delighted to hear from you again and she will probably miss you very much. Let her talk for a while and then tell her you have to go. Apologize for having to abruptly end the call by asking her out for coffee or lunch, just to catch up.