Some depressions and anxieties can be relieved by incorporating loving self-talk and supporting self-esteem and assertiveness. We tend to do to ourselves and others what was done to us in childhood. Now, as adults, we must give ourselves all the healthy things that we needed from healthy parents. Here are some things you can do to change the foundation of depression and anxiety:

Step 1. Write down the negative things you think about yourself, others, and your circumstances. This activity will bring to your awareness the negative thinking and self-talk that is common to many types of depression and anxiety. Negative and self-critical self-talk demoralizes the ego and manifests as feeling depressed, gloomy, sad, anxious, fearful, and doubtful. This low mood and anxiety affect sleep, eating, and low energy. Common examples of negative self-talk are: I’m incapable, I can’t do it, I’m obnoxious, I’m a failure, I failed again, I can’t do it, no one wants to talk to me, no one cares about me, etc.

Step 2. Write statements that are self-care, caring, reassuring, supportive, and validating. This exercise helps identify the opposites of negative self-talk: I can do it, I have many skills, I am loving and kind, I can get what I need and want, I deserve to be happy, I can be successful, etc. . .

Step 3. Write down the negative things your parents said or communicated to you when you were a child. Here you can write how you thought the parents felt about you because of what they said or did, such as: I wish you had never been born, I don’t like you, I don’t care about you, I don’t want to be around you, You’re in the way, you’re a nuisance, you should be seen but not heard, etc.

Step 4. Write down the things you needed or wanted your parents to tell you when you were a child. Here you can write the things you wanted or needed the parents to say or do, like: I love you no matter what, I’m so glad you’re in my life, You can be successful, It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt, Everything will be alright, sometimes I felt the same as you, you can do anything, you are good at it, thanks for helping me, you are very kind and caring, etc.

Step 5. Write what you would do or say if you saw another child being treated the way you were treated in #3. If you heard someone say mean things to a child or slap a child, what would you say? You might say things like: You have no right to say that, Be kind to the child, The child needs your love, You need to support your child and be reassuring, caring, loving and caring, You need to be encouraging, etc. .

Step 6. If you had all the positive things you needed from healthy parents as a child, how do you imagine your life could be different today? If your parents had said encouraging, loving, and supportive things to you when you were a child, how do you imagine your life might be different today? This step helps you formulate and create a vision of how your life can be different in a healthy way. Depression that comes from negative self-talk is a form of self-neglect and self-abuse. The ultimate self-abuse and self-neglect is self-harm and suicidal thinking. Rather, hope, optimism, self-esteem, and self-confidence form the basis for a stable mood and a sense of security, confidence, well-being, inner peace, personal power, and happiness.

Step 7. You must now be to yourself all the things you needed your parents to be to you: encouraging, nurturing, loving, nurturing, supporting, and reassuring. This means that you need to tell yourself and be to yourself all the positive things you need from healthy parents. If no one else can give him the care he needs, who leaves that? Ultimately, you are the one who should take care of you. So this means that you should choose healthy people to be in your life, and you should support yourself and that other caring person. This way you will be taking care of yourself. Another important piece is standing up for yourself and supporting yourself when others treat you poorly.

Step 8. You must be assertive and say things like: I don’t like your tone, I deserve more respect than that, I deserve a raise, I get upset when…etc. Take care of that boy or girl who was abused and mistreated. That boy or girl is still inside you and needs your protection. I know for you now what you needed then. Will you defend him or her?