“Just a simple wedding” – sometimes it can start like this. This is the plan; get married, spend only what you need, and then work on the nitty-gritty details of living together, living together, working, saving, planning for a family, and enjoying your time together.

“It has to be the wedding of my dreams”, and it can also start like that. The bride and groom can be optimistic about the cost by planning ahead and deciding that yes, they can afford a beautifully designed wedding that is unique and perfect for them.

But in both scenarios, the final cost of the wedding can be a huge surprise.

Little things add up to big things

The problem often arises when “little extras” are added, often without incorporating the cost of those extras into the running total. Brides and grooms may say yes to those extras because they seem so cheap, just a few dollars more than the total (particularly in the context of the total!).

But many of those little extras have to be thought of in terms of multiplying them by the total number of guests.

Then another little extra will be added because it looks so beautiful or adds just the right touch.

And then another little extra because the bridesmaids and groomsmen really need to be properly thanked.

Then another extra because it goes so well with this or that.

And then another, and then another, and before you know it, those little extras have blown up the original expense to the point where it’s become financially difficult to manage the whole thing.

Looking beautiful: personal spending that can get out of control

Tradition says that the bride’s family (although nowadays it is usually the bride herself) pays for the wedding dress. While some brides go for the less expensive options, many don’t, and of course, all brides want to feel beautiful on their wedding day.

If the wedding dress is going to be a major expense, the bride needs to sit down and think calmly about all the expenses involved in her appearance. Will she wear a veil? What jewelry will she wear? (Will this be an added expense or will she be wearing jewelry she already owns?) What shoes? What underwear? What makeup? (Will this be done professionally?) What hairstyle? (Again, will this be done professionally?)

What about the headdresses and makeup of your assistants? (It is normal for the bride or the bride’s family to pay for this, although bridesmaids are traditionally expected to purchase their own gowns.) What about gifts for the bridesmaids and gifts for the groom?

The bride should decide on the budget before spending even a single penny on any of these. It is absolutely fatal for the budget to start “impulse buying” anything related to the wedding.

Expenses of carding, Photography, Reception and more

That’s not to mention stationery (cards – engagement party invitations, wedding invitations, thank you letters, business cards, order of ceremony or order of service), newspaper ads, trousseau, bouquets for bridesmaids, bachelorette party or equivalent, musicians’ fees, additional entertainers’ fees, costs related to decorating the wedding venue, renting the wedding venue, photographs (and video if also chosen), a wedding ring for the groom if he is wearing one, wedding transportation (to and from the ceremony and reception), and the big one: the reception (venue, food, and drink). All of these are traditionally paid by the bride’s family or by the bride herself.

That does not mean that the groom does not have expenses, on the contrary.

From bouquets to honeymoons

Traditionally, the groom or the groom’s family is expected to pay for the groom’s attire, accessories for the groomsmen (boutonnieres, ties, gloves, etc.), gifts for the groomsmen (and also for the ushers) , the fee for the Registered Marriage Celebrant, gifts for the parents of the bride and groom, flowers for the mother of the bride and mother of the groom, flowers for the bride (corset, bouquet, etc.), the wedding ring engagement (of course), the bride’s wedding ring, the cost of the engagement party and the cost of the honeymoon.

Decide what is necessary

It makes sense to stop and think before you spend ANY money: what is really necessary? And who is going to pay for what?

Remember that the costs above are traditional: it is not unusual to find the families of the bride and groom agreeing to split the costs in half, or for a family more able to bear the cost to pay more than the other family. If both the bride and groom have been working for a considerable time, again, it is not unusual for both to be able to pay each other’s costs rather than their families paying.

However, the costs must be paid, nothing should be bought, not even a single invitation card, without planning the budget in advance. You can do without some things. Some things can be made instead of bought. Some things can be wasted; some things can be saved. Some things, while beautiful, are simply not necessary if it means cutting back on other more essential things.

What is the most important thing in a wedding?

Speaking as a Marriage Celebrant, it should come as no surprise that I firmly believe that by far the most important thing is the ceremony itself: its structure, the vows, the wording of the ceremony, the creation and sculpture of the various elements (music, readings, other ceremonial aspects) of the ceremony to create something unique and perfect for the couple. Anyone who is a celebrant may appear, smile, say the necessary legal words, and then pronounce the couple as husband and wife. For a simple ceremony that focuses primarily on simply getting married, there are inexpensive options like what I call “Simple Standard Ceremonies”: the basic ceremony booked in the office of the Marriage Celebrant with short but meaningful vows.

For a ceremony that aims to exemplify the importance and beauty of vows through sight and sound, as well as legality, a top-notch Wedding Celebrant is more important than anything else.

No two celebrants will ever create the same ceremony, conduct it in the same way, leave the same memories for the couple. That’s why it’s important for couples with this type of ceremony in mind to research registered marriage celebrants to find the quality, style, and creativity that best suits them.

The place is also important, the clothing is important, the artists or the music chosen… all important. But how it all intertwines with regards to VOTES is by far the most important thing.

Ten years from now, when you think about your wedding, do you think you will most vividly remember the color of the bridesmaids’ bouquets? Or the taste of dessert at the reception? Or the style of the invitations? Will it be the memory of the horse and carriage that brought them to the wedding venue that will keep that day alive in their hearts?

Of course it won’t be… It will be the vows, how they looked into each other’s eyes and the promises were made, how the vows were part of a ceremony that was presented with warmth, softness and meaning, how each word added to the glow of the promise of that day, how everything from the music to the poetry to the moment you heard the words, “You may kiss the bride,” wove together into one wonderful memory of love and commitment.

Where can you cut corners?

If your overall budget for your dream wedding has you desperate, start with the things you’d really love to have but don’t absolutely need to have. You may find it more helpful to first identify what is NOT optional and identify whether or not it may justify cutting essential expenses. Will it affect the most important thing if it does, or won’t it? Circle the five things that matter most to you and work from there.

You’ll find that it works wonders for keeping your wedding ceremony within a reasonable and workable budget, so you don’t start your marriage with unmanageable debt that puts a strain on your relationship. Remember, if you spend TOO MUCH on making it look pretty, you are in danger of forgetting that the heart of any wedding has nothing to do with the color of the ribbons that decorate the aisles or the chairs – it’s all about the words and the promise and love