Why is it so difficult to change?

We want to know how to get rid of anger or how to overcome negative thoughts, but really we just want to know how to find happiness. We try spiritual practices, or therapy, or health programs, and we feel better. Then time passes and we find ourselves back in old patterns of hurting ourselves. We’re gaining weight again, or we’re in a bad relationship again, or procrastination is blocking our creativity again. What happened?

Everyone has karmic patterns that keep dragging them back into their old ways. Essentially, the law of karma is the law of cause and effect: “You reap what you sow.” We can look outside ourselves to try to understand the law of karma, but that search, by itself, will not help us to liberate ourselves and will not make us happy.

The place to look for karmic patterns is within yourself. That’s because your karma is the thoughts, emotions, and actions that have become a pattern within your being. Karma is a deep pattern, far beyond ordinary habits. It is a continuous stream of thought, rooted in the past, and the details are different for each of us. Your karmic pattern is your personal trap. But now, since you built these walls in your own mind, they are your walls and you can begin to break them down.

With your mind?

No, with your heart, your intuition and your breath.

Using your heart, you can break out of karmic patterns in a moment of compassion or selfless service. This is NOT because your “good” actions can balance your “bad” actions. If you think like that, it’s not really selfless, right? You can’t go around trying to “earn” good karma; it just doesn’t work that way, and you can even tighten your trap. No, helping someone else without calculation, because your compassionate heart burst open in a moment of simple care, that is what can allow you to break away from your own karmic patterns.

Then, by developing your intuition, you can feel your own karmic patterns. There’s a little voice that says, “Oh no, I’ve been here before.” If you listen to that voice, it will get louder. Gradually you will begin to catch yourself before you get too far into a karmic space, or a karmic trap, and you will be able to choose, “No, I’m not going to do this again!” Then you will choose a different path, a path that breaks a karmic pattern.

Finally, you can learn to use your breath. Start by simply being aware of your breath. Your breath is really the only thing in life that is completely yours, always with you, always ready to help you become more aware. If you think your breathing is just an automatic process that you should ignore, then the rest of your life can be just as automatic, and your karmic patterns will still be in charge. If you become aware of your breath, you will become aware of your life. You could even say, your life IS your breath, or maybe your spirit IS your breath.

The simplest forms of meditation start with paying attention to the breath or practicing mindfulness. It’s not mysterious at all: just sit still, find your breath, and say to yourself, “I know I’m breathing in… I know I’m breathing out.” As soon as you catch yourself thinking of something else, gently return your attention to your breath. Once you learn to deliberately steady your breath, your life changes and you are no longer running on automatic. That means you are not following the same old clues or the same old karmic patterns.

Although these three keys can start helping you right away, karmic patterns take a long time to develop. You’ll still find yourself stuck sometimes, but the difference is that now you’ll have the tools to get unstuck. That’s the process I’ve described in my book, The Eleven Karmic Spaces: Choosing Freedom from the Patterns That Bind You. Karmic spaces are the places in our lives where we go to hide so we don’t have to change. They look comfortable, they invite us in, but then we find ourselves trapped and unhappy again. We even find ourselves wondering, “Why is it so hard to change?” Now you know why your karmic patterns are so powerful and you also realize that you always have your heart, your intuition and your breath. That means you always have the option to be happy.