Looking for Compliance, Or Commitment?

Do you have what it takes to be a truly inspiring leader? To be a good, solid manager, you just need to follow the “cookbook recipe” taught in any vocational program or business school. To be a leader, you must go beyond the recipe and take ownership (and personal responsibility) of the overall program under your charge. But inspiring leaders constantly do things they don’t “have” to do, things that are beyond their job description. And if you want to join their ranks, one of the first things you must learn to do is appreciate your opponents.

If for the sole reason that there are two types of people out there (and in each of us), you will run into adversaries in your career and in your life. Each one of us will be dominated in our daily life by the internal image that we feed. I call one of those inner beings “The Victim” – a person who is critical, political and would never make an inspirational leader. I don’t call the other inner self the “winner”, because that implies a win-lose attitude that your better self doesn’t feel, so I call it “the entrepreneur”. That name fits better. Where the Victim is critical of others as a first reaction, the Entrepreneur is grateful, always seeking to learn what he can from everyone (even from his adversaries). While the Victim is political, the Entrepreneur is collaborative, looking for the win of all. And while the Victim just wants to be the “theater critic,” taking issue with (often pissing off) the way someone else is directing, the Entrepreneur is bold enough to go on stage and take the criticism, in the interest to perform at a high level. (regardless of personal risk).

When people are led by an entrepreneur (whether that person is a business owner or just an entrepreneurial minded leader), they become passionate about what THEY (not the leader) can achieve. They are inspired. When people have a Victim in charge of them, they get tired.

As I’ve described in this series, learning to appreciate your adversaries (and showing it) is a great way to nurture your inner Entrepreneur (and the people you’re leading), and leave the inner Victim (as well as the Victims within) hungry. from his teammates).

Start by asking yourself what’s so good about people you tend to see as “bad.” Don’t you consider yourself a critical person? Test it. When you see the word “adversary”, it makes you think of someone, at work, at church, or even at home, who is bothering you these days. If you can find the good in that person (and focus on it), you’ve come a long way toward inspiring leadership.

At that point, you can embrace the other suggestions in the series: establish a feedback relationship (and even a coaching relationship) with your adversaries, appreciate how your own biases contribute to barriers to collaboration, see the benefits of appreciation, and forgo unnecessary retaliation. (even when it’s well deserved). You begin to realize that the vast majority of your adversaries are not “haters” (people who have adopted Victimism as a more or less permanent lifestyle), but people just like you who may need help overcoming their own personal challenges. You may be the only source of appreciation they receive these days, and therefore your generosity of spirit could be their last/best hope to get through a difficult time in their lives.

That’s inspiring!

A parting thought as we wrap up this series on appreciating your adversaries, and it’s probably best phrased as a question. As you think about the results you seek from your interaction with your adversary, do you want that person to comply or commit? As I mentioned, when you really have an entrenched “enemy” who refuses to meet you in the middle of relationship rehab, you have to face and “defeat” them. In business, this often means taking off the leadership hat and back to management, employing the pillar of the strong manager (“progressive discipline”). You demand compliance with the rules, whatever they are, and if you don’t get that compliance, you escalate the discipline until the Victim is expelled from the organization.

If you’ve taken that path with all your adversaries, here’s some bad news: You may be getting good at imposing progressive discipline, but you’re not moving toward becoming an inspirational leader. In fact, you could be a type of victim yourself. And by the way, how are you doing? You’ve tried battle tactics… next time, seek appreciation. What do you have to lose?

Think about it: if you really want that person’s commitment, you’re looking for both performance and attitude. You are looking for passion and achievement. You’ve already decided that this is someone you can and should work with… someone you hope to inspire… and so, if only on a subconscious level, your gut tells you there’s something to appreciate in that person.

If you can appreciate your adversaries, you can be an inspiring leader. If he can’t, they’ll most likely never see him as more than a competent manager… and, in time, even that kind of modest reputation might be out of his reach.