Love with your heart, but think with your mind and keep your eyes open. Love was never meant to be blind and dumb. Let’s break down the 9 most important questions to ask before you walk down the aisle.

1. What does marriage mean to you and your fiancé? This question helps you understand the basic concept that you and your fiancé have about marriage. Being a wife or husband is like being partners in a new company. If both partners have very different views of what this means, the marriage will never be handled effectively.

2. What is marriage like for you and your fiancé? He is deeply in love and has a picture in his mind of what marriage will be like in 5, 10 and 25 years or more. Your fiancé also has expectations of what the marriage will be like and how it will work out. These expectations can be quite different, so make them clear from the start.

3. Why did you fall in love? This must also be made clear, especially when storms and challenges come. You need to always have this beautiful story to reflect on and help refocus your feelings.

4. What is your purpose in marriage? Getting married is more about what you bring to the relationship than what you can get out of it. There is a very specific set of reasons that make you the best person for your spouse. You need to know how being yourself and fulfilling your potential will add tremendous value to your spouse.

5. What is your spouse’s purpose as a partner? No matter how well together you think you are, your spouse also has value to add that will make you a better person.

6. Who are you as a unique person? People lose themselves in relationships because they lose sight of who they are. You must take the time to discover who you are before you try to become one with another person.

7. Who is your fiancé as a different and unique person? In addition to appreciating who you are as a unique person, you should also appreciate the uniqueness of your fiancé.

8. What problems have you already noticed? Love is not blind; love sees the best and minimizes the worst. Love lets you know that problems didn’t stop you from falling in love. You still need to acknowledge the problems and bring them to light.

9. What are the expectations you have for your life? Frustration arises when expectations are not met. In marriage, you are likely to blame your spouse when you don’t meet. Your life expectancies should be compared to what you and your fiancé agree to for marriage.

Taking the time to answer these 9 simple questions can save you from the pitfalls that have ruined many couples. Reduce your risk of divorce by spending more time on questions like these and less time on questions about the color of bridesmaid dresses, menus, and flowers.