We all have people in our lives that we consider friends, but how well do you really know someone before you call them a friend? Do we use the word “friend” too lightly? We have many different relationships in our life and just because we meet someone through a co-worker, neighbor, friend of a friend, we tend to refer to them as our friends. How do you really know who is a genuine friend and who is a fake friend? As difficult as it is to recognize that sometimes it is important to know that there is not always sincerity behind every smiling face. Today we live in such a competitive world where deception is common so it is better to know who you are associating with and if your best interest is being considered and their gestures are true.

Unfortunately, fake friends exist as much, if not more, than real friends. Just as the Prada bag you can buy on the street behind the curtain looks so much like the bag in the case at Saks that a closer inspection is needed to tell the difference. Like my mom always said, “You’ll be able to count your real friends on the fingers of one hand when you’re older.”

1. Real friends will ask how you’re doing because they really want to know. Fake friends are often more concerned with their own needs than yours or anyone else’s. It’s okay to be self-aware, but not self-centered. Fakers tend to ask you how you’re doing, and when you’re in the middle of a sentence, they may interrupt you to start talking about themselves. They are not really listening to you, but are waiting for a break in the conversation to butt in and talk about themselves. The next time your “friend” does this, tell him off. Ex: “Sorry to interrupt, I thought you were asking me how she was and I was answering you”

2. Genuine friends will call you just to ask how you are, what you’re doing, or make plans with you for a fun date. Fakers only call you when they want or need something and don’t apologize for it. If your friends can’t deem you worth their time enough to talk to you except when they need you, then your question is easily answered. If you want to show them that you care, you can answer the phone and say, “Hey _________, what can I do for you today?” They are likely to be so self-absorbed that they don’t even notice. However, you may have those phonies who make plans with you with no intention of carrying them out. For me, these fakers are the worst.

3. You feel more comfortable and can be yourself whenever your real friends are around. I am a firm believer that no one can make you feel inferior or make you feel a certain way unless you allow them to, however, it is intuition that I am referring to when I say that a fake friend leaves you feeling empty. and disconnection. You may even feel that he has to act, dress, or speak a certain way to be accepted. This is a horrible feeling and most likely it’s not you, it’s them and your intuition is zeroing in on the negative energy. Remember that you can only buy materials, not classes.

4. You always have a genuine hug, a call, or maybe a card when you accomplish something special or get congratulations from your real friends. They will not try to “top” all your successes. True friends are supportive and constantly share positive words of encouragement. You win an award for excellence at work, you get a promotion, you achieve a personal goal you’ve worked on for a long time. No matter what the stage, they will be there to pat you on the back and push you forward. Fakers are so opposite that they are clearly noticeable because they don’t like to be paid attention to unless it’s about them. They will find out about your success and will try to divert attention from you and put it on them in some way. They have a competitive mindset with you and their other so-called friends around them. When you share good news, you should never get a “well, guess what happened to me” response or an embellishment of your story just to get over your moment of pride.

5. True friends choose to protect your reputation at all costs. When you have a true friend, they will never stay quiet when someone talks about you in a negative way or provokes unnecessary gossip. A true friend doesn’t put up the fence when someone isn’t in his corner and then say “I can’t take sides.” Defending a friend is not taking sides, it’s called good character. Fake friends will join in the lies or gossip or remain silent in their opinions, even when they know the truth. I’m not saying start an argument or make anyone uncomfortable, I’m saying that when faced with that situation, a true friend will stop her before she starts by saying “in ____________defense, she/he is not here to defend herself or tell the story, so that we should save this conversation for another time.” Short, sweet and impressive. You will be applauded by the group!

6. Just as a true friend is there for you in the good times, he is also there for you in the bad times. At one time or another we will all be hit by a stroke of tragedy in our lives. You may be facing divorce, the death of a child, family member or friend, bankruptcy, a terminal illness in your family, total loss in a fire or storm, or even job loss. The list goes on with what can and could happen to each of us with or without warning. This is when a genuine friend is most needed. If you are a true demon, then you know your friend better than anyone and you know what he needs from you, even if you have never faced what he is facing. This is not the time to disappear or make excuses. The fakers will shine brighter than the stars during the tragedy, making your tragedy focus on them to get attention or just walk away. When you go through a tragedy, look around you and see who is there calling you, bringing you what you need, attending to your needs, supporting you or listening with a shoulder to cry on. They are also very selfless. Spotting a true friend is easy if we pay attention to who is around us. Notice their eye contact when you talk to them. Do they see and hear you or look around to see who is in the room or waiting to talk about themselves? Their actions and body language will tell you more than they say.

Friends are more than good companions. They are influential people in your life. They can have a negative or positive influence. They are supportive, affectionate and loving even when there is indifference. Be the person you want to be and you will attract people with the same beliefs, opinions and values. It’s hard to be fake for a long time, a person’s true soul always comes out on time.