1. “I’m going on vacation. I’ll be back in a week.” – This is obvious for obvious reasons (why not just open the blinds, leave the door open and put up a “Come in and rob me!” sign?). And yet… people do it all the time. Messages like “Hey guys, we’re in Mexico for 10 days” or “Check out this photo we just took on vacation in Miami!” – are a sure invitation for trouble.

2. “It’s just me and the little ones here for the weekend.” This one makes me cringe. Think about it: you don’t even want your neighbors to know you’re alone, why the hell would you put your life, and even worse, your children’s lives at risk by posting this? Think about the people. Think!

3. “My boss is a real jerk!” (or other similar rants) – It goes without saying that most of the people listed as our “friends” or “followers” are co-workers, but these kinds of raves are the norm on social media…and then We wonder why the pink briefs fly like… oh, whatever. The point is that social networks are NOT confidential, no matter how many security tools you download, buy or create. Someone somewhere is reading something you don’t want them to see. User beware!

4. “I just bought the new Wii! Dude, that’s awesome!” or “I just got the new iPhone! Wait till you see what it can do!” – You may be the proud owner of the best gaming technology money can buy… but telling thousands of strangers your purchase only translates to “Yes, I have toys… and maybe some money… and possibly both. Rob blind me. Please. Smart move, Sherlock.

5. “Do you want to buy a boy?” – It may be a joke on YOU, but in today’s market, children are a hot commodity, so that kind of innocent “joke” could lead to the FBI, DEA, County Children’s Services, or other similar organizations straight to your door… or worse: to your WORK where you will undoubtedly be the most unpopular “former” employee on the site.

6. “I’ll do anything for my Vicodin!” (or other types of medications, prescribed or not). Oh yeah, you’re a riot. We are shooting in the halls. Just don’t be discouraged when HR comes around demanding a urine sample…especially before you take the wheel of that school bus. Poor guys. (You should be ashamed.)

7. “My 15-year-old neighbor is HOT!” – If you are an adult, whether you are a man or a woman, married or single, gay or straight – THIS IS NOT GREAT! Arrest. NOW.

8. “I just had the best job interview of my life” – To be clear, this type of statement in itself is pretty innocent… unless you’re still employed and your “friends” or “followers” find out. . And they will. They always do it.

9. “How do I get rid of my spouse? Seriously. You think THAT WON’T make the rounds?” Nuff said.

10. “I think I married the wrong brother.” – Are you TRYING to get hurt? I’m not even going to address this one. You are desperate. And pathetic. And you deserve everything your spouse takes from you. Fool.