I have written several articles outlining my experience after my husband’s affair for all to read. I often get emails from women in the same situation. Many ask me what is the best way to get revenge on the other woman and / or her husband. I understand these feelings because I felt them myself. I used to follow the other woman around her, trying to work up the courage to approach her. Or, I would plan horrible ways to get back at her (which I never actually did). Therefore, I understand wanting her to feel every ounce of pain and pain that you feel right now. But, you might be surprised at what your best revenge really is. I will explain below.

To understand how to best get back at the other woman, think about what she values ​​(and wants) the most: Many people will tell me that they intend to play physical pranks on the lover, such as messing with her car, doing something to her house, or embarrassing or embarrassing her in front of others. Another popular tactic is to tell her husband about the affair if she is married. Again, I understand this. But, let’s think about this for a second. These things are all temporary, right? She can fix her house and her car. And chances are very little can embarrass her because she’s engaging in behavior that shows she’s shameless.

What does he want and value that you can take away from him? Your husband. She wants to take your husband from you. In fact, her best-case scenario is that you lose control and appear unattractive, unstable, and defeated. Always remember that she wants you in a weakened state because she makes her job so much easier. So when you get angry, lose control of your emotions, or attack your husband, you are following his plans. You’re making it so much easier for her, which only gives her what she wants.

How to get your lover life back: There is a saying that “happiness is the best revenge”. That is so true right now. The lady doesn’t want you to be happy. She doesn’t want your husband to be happy with you. She needs things in your house to be tense and heavy because this means that your husband will look to her as a safe haven. Don’t play with this. Don’t give her what she wants. Whether you save your marriage or not, don’t let it hit you. Don’t let her take away her productive and satisfying life. Don’t let it steal your self esteem.

Here is the truth. Your husband’s affair has less to do with you (or even her) than you think. Often, an affair is a man’s way of restoring his self-esteem or something that’s broken inside of him. Very often the mistress was in the right place at the right time. It’s more a matter of timing than anything else. There is nothing special about it. In fact, more than 85% of cheating husbands admitted in one study that the other woman was no more attractive or more seductive than her wife.

So what does she have that you don’t? She doesn’t live in the real world! She doesn’t have to pick up her husband’s dirty socks or cook for him. It is likely that she does not demand much of her husband. She is all fun without any sacrifice. She doesn’t have to worry about bills or running the house. She can present herself as no-strings-attached fun.

But you know what? She can’t go on like this forever. The longer the affair lasts, the more reality will set in. She will start demanding more from her husband and this will make her less and less attractive. And then she plays directly into your hand, instead of her being the other way around.

Do not allow her to place a negative presence in your life: I know you think it can be so satisfying to confront this woman or hurt her. But believe me when I say that I have seen many of my readers do this and it almost never works out. She’s going to do everything to make you doubt yourself and your husband. She’s going to give you a mental image that is so hard to get out of your mind. And, she will only launch more negatively and doubt you. So don’t let her do this.

Instead, carry yourself with dignity and grace, two characteristics you definitely don’t have. Don’t play the game and wait for him to come out. Focus on your husband, your family, and those things that are important to you. Educate yourself and your marriage (if you decide to save it). What this woman really wants is to stay in your husband’s life (and therefore yours). Don’t let him do this. Throw it away like the little mosquito that it is.

Ultimately, your worst case scenario is if your husband gets tired of her, cuts all ties, and then vows to save his marriage with you. She doesn’t want this to happen. So your best revenge against her is to make sure that this is exactly what happens, if that’s what you want. Remember, you make the decisions in your own life, not her.