To begin with, I think it is important to understand that the word “spanking” is a euphemism for violent behavior. Yes, violence. The same thing that many spankers will prevent their children from seeing on television. With all the buzz about the negative influence of children watching abstract violence in video games, television, and movies, one might get the impression that fantasy / abstract violence is worse for children than experiencing reality.

The easiest way to tackle this spanking problem is to take a look at the ‘pros and cons’ involved.

PROS:

1. Spanking is Convenient: It quickly conveys a powerful message in terms of behavior modification. Parents who lack the patience to teach through cognitive learning may use acts of physical aggression as a teaching method.

2. There is no need to waste a lot of time with verbal communication. From our earliest days, grunts, gestures, and primitive discord have served us well.

3. Parents can release pent-up anger and frustration and not have to worry about physical retaliation. This “vent” of anger and frustration through spanking could be viewed by parents as therapeutic in the absence of a domestic pet to kick.

4. Gives parents a sense of tradition, not unlike shooting guns into the air on July 4th. It can also provide a sense of nostalgia, as parents can recall the good times when they themselves were beaten up by parents who wanted to show how much they cared about them.

5. Parents who mistake fear for respect can feel a sense of accomplishment. Children who cower in fear of submission serve to give parents a sense of power and control that life might otherwise lack.

6. Parents may feel that they are preparing their children for “that difficult world.” The logic here assumes that the child can grow up until one day he finds himself in a job where the boss beats him up when he makes a mistake.

CONS:

1. Violence towards children causes a degree of trauma that carries a high risk in the development of psychopathology. The ranks of the mentally ill, substance addicts, violent criminals, and sexual deviants are filled with individuals who were victims of violent parents, but not necessarily legally abusive. *

2. Children learn to hit when their sensibilities are offended. It stands to reason that the best way to teach children to be violent is to have them experience the violence firsthand from the most influential teacher they have ever had. Spanking not only makes violence part of a child’s reality, it can also provide the child with the anger necessary to trigger violent behavior; because when parents fail to break a child’s mind and spirit through the ultimate act of rejection, anger is often the result.

3. The parenting role of parents is put at risk. If the father does not make up for the heinous acts of violence towards his children with a great deal of love and affection, there is a great possibility that the children will lose trust and become estranged from the parents. As a result, offensive behavior on the part of children only increases, making spanking totally counterproductive and a continual or increasing source of acrimony.

4. Spanking runs the risk of becoming criminal behavior. Parents who use corporal punishment as a means of discipline run the risk of crossing the line into legal child abuse when under high levels of stress. This is how most cases of child abuse happen.

5. Children may one day forget the trauma of violence inflicted on them, but they never forget acts of violence. Parents who treat their children violently generally do not consider that, one way or another, there will be a high price to pay as a consequence. At the very least, violence will act to diminish the quality of any relationship.

6. Children learn to refrain from certain unacceptable behaviors while parents are present. Some children will even find themselves more prone to these unacceptable behaviors in the absence of parents through retaliation or experiencing the “forbidden fruit is the sweetest” phenomenon. The reason? Through spanking, children become dependent on external controls (fear) of behavior rather than developing internal controls (self-discipline / awareness) through teaching with gentle and patient guidance.

7. It seems nothing more than common sense to claim that sadomasochistic forms of behavior can stem from childhood spanking. Because the buttocks are an erogenous zone, pain can be associated with sexual stimulation through spanking. Pain, control and domination can also be associated with loving behavior as a result of corporal punishment, that is, ‘I hit you because I love you’. ‘

8. This convoluted definition of love mentioned above can also lay the groundwork for the child to develop tolerance for future abusive relationships … most commonly in the case of women.

9. Children who are not given dignity or treated in a respectful way have a hard time learning what those things are about. Why else would so many children grow up with the notion that dignity equals behavior and respect equals fear? The following is an excellent explanation of how this occurs:

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

If a kid

live with criticism,

learn to condemn.

If a kid

live with hostility,

learn to fight.

If a kid

live with ridicule,

learn to be shy.

If a kid

live in shame,

learn to feel guilty.

If a kid

live with tolerance,

learn to be patient.

If a kid

live with courage,

learn confidence.

If a kid

live with praise,

learn to appreciate.

If a kid

live with justice,

learn justice.

If a kid

live safely,

learn to have faith.

If a kid

live with approval,

learn to love yourself.

If a kid

live with acceptance and friendship,

learn to find love in the world.

Dorothy Law Nolte (1963 *)

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As we evolve as a society, we must keep in mind that historically there was a time when it was acceptable to legally possess other people; a time when the mentally ill were generally considered to be possessed by evil spirits; a time when knights legally shot each other in duels; a time when public hangings were attended as a family outing complete with a picnic basket; a time when public flogging was considered an acceptable punishment; a time when it was a gentleman’s agreement that husbands should not hit their wives with a switch that was “bigger than the thumb” (which became known as “the rule of the thumb”); and there was a time when there were no laws against parents severely beating their children (killing children was unacceptable, of course, but occasional accidental mutilation as a result of disciplinary action was tolerated).

It is not difficult to see where I am going here … we no longer allow the punishment of flogging; We no longer allow handcuffs to be beaten and we no longer allow prisoners to be beaten as routine punishment. The time has come for us to further increase our level of social sophistication by coming to general agreement that any degree of physical punishment used against children is just as socially unacceptable and disgusting as those other violent behaviors that we have decided to leave behind.

As you have seen, there are no real “advantages” to spanking unless one is suffering from an emotionally stunted authoritarian mentality.

Not only do the vast majority of child abuse cases involve physical injuries associated with acts of spanking, but all professional organizations in North America dealing with the care and treatment of children have taken a public stance against spanking as a practice discouraged.