Being jointly aware of how relationships develop gives you the opportunity to engage in love, and you can both relax and explore along the way.
It takes time to get to the point of compromise. Too many jump into the commitment too soon. It causes anguish and disappointment.
Have you done that? Like a fairy tale with a first date and then live happily ever after? It’s a fairy tale! The real world is that love takes time. Take each of the three stages to get there.
First stage – First dates
This is the exploratory stage. Is there some chemistry? It’s all very preliminary.
It is not the time to think about a possible future together yet, just to see the other and see if he is interested enough for future dates.
The chemistry of relationships is physical, emotional, and spiritual. The physique is often obvious… Do you find the person physically attractive? Do you like the eyes, the mouth, the body type? What about the voice and laughter, even the accent?
How does the person smell to you? What about the sense of touch when you shake hands or even kiss? What about the taste?
If a person tastes or smells like smoke, is that a game changer for you? Some things will never change. Some things will or may change over time, but right now you are at the stage of first impressions through all five senses.
There is also the emotional and spiritual connection that is part of early chemical discoveries. How’s the conversation? What do you care about? Do you share similar interests and views on life?
The second stage is the honeymoon
The honeymoon is special. It’s something that many couples work on to maintain aspects of their relationships later on.
They see each other frequently. They have a lot of fun and get excited together as they really get to know each other.
The honeymoon can last a few months or up to a year. It ends when you come to recognize the humanity of your partner. Your partner has flaws and you start to see them. And they yours.
For some, the honeymoon is all they want. They have a kind of addiction to the excitement of the honeymoon.
They part ways and move on as the honeymoon phase matures to completion. I call these people 90 Day Wonders.
They’re great for a honeymoon, but they lack the emotional stability and maturity to pursue a long-term relationship.
Relationship commitment is stage three
Once the rose-tinted honeymoon is over, and they see each other’s lack of perfection, they can try to change each other.
You can fight over who is and who is wrong in situations, beliefs and attitudes. This can turn into a power struggle.
If they can get to the point where they accept each other as they are, instead of trying to change perceived imperfections, many relationships grow stronger and last.
Otherwise, a breakup can occur or, often worse, staying together and being miserable.
If the decision is to accept your partner, and vice versa, the relationship can continue and grow in a healthy way. They have been given the opportunity to find love.